Lightspeed

Lightspeed.

Every day I looked in the mirror and thought, is this me? Really? A scrawny sixteen year old with a baby face and small round glasses. I didn’t want this, I didn’t want my anxiety or this unattractive appearance, but this is what the lottery had rolled. This is what I was stuck with.

That was, until the first day of my last year.

From that moment, my life moved at lightspeed. It was so cliche, I bumped into her in the corridor, and watched as my books sprawled across the ground. She was beautiful… Flowing crimson hair, iridescent hazel orbs, a smile from the gods, she was perfect. I stared, I stared far too much, as her eyes locked with mine, and that smile flashed across her lips.

“Want me to help?” She asked as she picked up my books, handing them to me. I was in awe, my jaw firmly pinned to the ground. I thoughtlessly accepted the books, and blushed, turning and rushing off without so much as a thank you. Great, my first day of my last year, the first person I meet and I couldn’t so much as manage a simple thank you. If only I wasn’t so anxious.

I saw her for the second time on that same day, in my mathematics class, right at the back. I took my seat on the far left, straining to keep my eyes forward. I knew that I must have seemed so rude when I ran off, but what I got wasn’t a scowl or a glare, instead it was that smile. A small smile, a flash of happiness, before she turned back to the lesson, but it was there.

I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her for the next week, each time rushing off, each time afraid, too afraid. The third week of school is when it happened. I grabbed my bags and rushed toward the door at the sound of the bell, but the teacher stopped me, asking me to come forward about the marks on my previous test. I stepped forward, knowing there would be no escape from her, afraid of what she might stay. But instead, she simply walked past with a smile, and left me. I couldn’t understand, people held grudges for the smallest things, were angry at the smallest mistake, but she didn’t say a word. Nothing more than that radiant smile of hers.

The next day, I steeled my resolve.

My life travels at lightspeed, and each moment is a precious snapshot of time.

At the end of class, I sought her out, shaking, fiddling my thumbs and biting my lip. She wasn’t talking to anyone, lucky me, and seemed to be writing down a couple more notes before the next class.

“U-Uh… H-Hi…”

“Oh, hello.” She smiled up at me, I felt my heart skip. “I was wondering when you’d work up the courage to talk to me.”

“R-Y-… I’m sorry. I-I’m really shy. I just wanted to say sorry, and thank you for when we bum-bumped into one another on the first day.” I stood, trembling, my heart thumping.

“I don’t bite you know. My name’s Ruby.” She extended her hand in a friendly gesture.

“Daniel… I… Danny…” I mumbled, trying to tell her my nickname.

“Danny, gotcha. Not got many friends?”

“W-Well… No. None really.” I was doing it. I was conversing.

“Well you can change that number to one. Wanna go get something to eat?” My cheeks flushed as I blushed profusely, nodding my head up and down with vigour.

Months went by, every spare moment I had was spent with her in some form. Texting, calling, hanging out, the movies, it didn’t matter. I had someone to share my life with, to experience things with, and not once did her kindness fade. Not once did that smile drop. She just kept smiling, and kept being… Ruby.

A year went by, and I had become far closer to her than I had anyone in my life. I had held feelings for her the whole time, of course, but I felt that I had to protect the relationship I already held. I was afraid to lose it.

That christmas; however, everything changed.

Christmas Eve, I waited; wrapped in a scarf, a beanie and my black duffle coat, I waited. The snow crunched beneath my feet, and my breath condensed in the air. My glasses were fogged up, and required cleaning every ten seconds, I hated winter. But this year, there would be warmth.

I saw her hair first, on contrast to the white snow. Her vibrancy bounced off the reflective blanket of white, and although I had been seeing her for the past year, her brilliance still dazzled me.

“Hey.” I mumbled.

“Heya Danny!” She hugged me with a bounce in her step.

“H-Hi!” I said a little louder, trying to show my emotion.

We spent the day at the ice skating rink, laughing and having fun together as we raced around. Her laughter and smiles were more than enough of a present for me, but she disagreed. After the ice skating, we took a short stroll, making our way through snow covered woods, taking in the sights. She stopped and turned to face me, a small box in her hands which she had retrieved from her bag.

“Thanks for being my friend Danny. I never told you but, you were my first friend too. Not because of anxiety or anything but simply because I had just moved.”

“I know. you’ve t-told me before.” I smiled, I was getting better at that.

“Go on. Open it.”

I did as she told me to, ripping away at the red ribbon and the pink wrapping paper. Inside sat a small teddy bear, a red heart sown on its chest.

“Thank you Danny.”

Overcome with emotion, I embraced her. Pulling her into me as tight as I could. I didn’t know what to say, so I made the worst and best decision of my life. In that moment, something in my mind clicked, and I blurted out a sentence, three words, eight little letters.

“I love you.”

I felt her freeze up, tensing in my arms. A mistake, a stupid mistake, I panicked.

“I… I love you too Danny.”

She pulled away from me, leaving me in shock.

Her hand wrapped over mine as I held the teddy, and pulled herself into it. The teddy rested between us, as she slowly leaned up, staring into my eyes. I was about to open my mouth to speak, before her lips pressed harshly against mine.

The white around me turned black, the world from colour to void, all of it, bleak, except for her. The texture of her lips, her form pressed against mine, the teddy she bought me.

There was passion, there was love, but there was no fire. Just gentleness, kindness, softness.

I didn’t know what to do, the feelings I held for a year, she returned them in a moment. I felt myself begin to tear up.

“Y-You…”

“Yes Danny, I love you.” She smiled, through her own joyous tears.

That was the happiest moment of my life.

My life travels at lightspeed, and each moment is a special snapshot of time. Each snapshot is added to the album, the album that I adore.

Midway through college, I had spent a mere three months with Ruby, and we were just entering our honeymoon stage. I remember her face being the highlight of my day, that precious smile a golden treasure that I craved. I would do anything from her, from holding a door open to running every errand I could. I loved her. With all my heart, or that’s what I told myself. Over, and over. I wouldn’t know what love is until after the honeymoon stage.

Ruby came to my apartment frequently, which I had bought on borrowed money just to get away from my own family, and would be the only other human I spent time with. Ruby made her friends, had her group, but always came back to me. If I walked up all awkward, and simply told her that I was going to get coffee, or to go study, she would never dismiss me, never leave me. She would politely say goodbye, and with her arm linked with mine, we would head to wherever we were going.

Coffee dates, the cinema, every generic date you could think of we had done a thousand times. Even with our shallow pockets as students we managed, overtime on the sunday job, a loan from grandparents, being together was simply the most important thing.

We drifted through college, our grades being a second thought to one another. For once in my life I was confident enough to speak to someone, my anxiety had died down, and I had someone to live for other than myself.

So when she told me she might be moving away, I felt my whole world crumble.

The blackness that swallowed me that night, it clung to me as I curled into a bawl. It was cold, it was silent. Fear. Pure fear loomed over me, he looked into my eyes with bleakness, with an emptiness that wanted to eat me, that wanted to take me. I shivered, but held back. Knowing it would be alright, knowing she would ever leave me. But anxiety, loneliness, fear. They looked down on me. They scowled at me. They hated me.

The next day, she broke down on me. Apology after apology, repentance after repentance, I was shocked, and couldn’t understand, until I saw her eyes. She knew. She knew since the moment she told me, she knew when we text the night before, she knew when I walked in that morning with two dark circles accenting my eyes.

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you, you know I would never leave you, even If I move away we’ll meet up as often as possible!”

That brought the biggest smile to my face. Anxiety, fear, loneliness, they scowled and growled, but ultimately left due to the radiance of Ruby. I knew that she would be the brightest spark in my life, for years to come.

My life travels at lightspeed, and each moment is a special snapshot of time. Each snapshot is added to the album, the album that I adore. Each page is a framed painting, a beautiful piece of art that details my life, my mark. My little gem sits in the middle, a single red gem, a Ruby.

I was twenty when I did it. My heart was beating the flesh cage that was my chest with a lustful anger, a rage that stemmed from my own nervousness. I was afraid of throwing up, of my anxiety returning from the early days in my life. But I perceived.

Like the first time we kissed, it was snowfall on christmas eve. I wanted it to be special, I needed it to be special. My nimble fingers fiddled with the small velvet box that sat in my pocket, as Ruby giggled in the snow. Her cheeks and nose were a rose red, a small pink beanie sat on her head and a flowing scarf trailed behind her as she ran. Her little giggles calmed my heart, but my mind kept racing.

I was waiting until midnight, the minute it switched over to christmas day. I would kiss her, and fall to one knee. I hoped the words would come after, but with how my mind was at that moment, I wondered if I even could manage to formulate words.

“Isn’t it beautiful Danny?” Ruby laughed with her innocent little giggle. It truly brought joy to my ears. It was eleven forty nine, and I was having a hard time keeping my hands from shaking. She walked over, and grasped my hand, walking me to our favourite spot in the woods. We sat on the bench next to one another, her fingers interlocking with mine. My breath was erratic, my pulse jumping, my leg twitched.

“Calm down Danny.” She said, looking into my eyes with a kindness that never failed to amaze me.

“I-I’m fine…” I muttered.

“Your anxiety isn’t coming back right? You seem… Off.”

“I-I’m fine I-“ I checked my watch. Eleven fifty eight. Time to do it.

“L-Look… Ruby. We’ve been together for five years now and I’ve realised something. I… I really. Really love you.” We’d said these words one hundred times to each other, but for some reason, this felt like the first time once again.

“I, I love you too Danny-“

I stood, pulling her to her feet.

“Just hear me out. I was a scared little boy with no friends because I pushed everyone away. I didn’t like people. I was fearful of human beings. But your smile, your flash of kindness every day it was… It was something truly special to me. Ever since I kissed you on that christmas… Life has been a joy. Your light has pushed me through what would have been darkness, what would have been shadow… I guess… Ruby. what I’m trying to say is…”

I got on one knee, and she gasped, a hand flying to her mouth.

“Ruby Vanessa Rose… Will you marry me?”

At that point, my memories blur. She said yes, I know that. With a tear stained face and a joyous smile, a bounce in her step and a squeal from her throat, she said yes. She said yes as she wrapped her arms around me, muttered it as she kissed me again and again and again. As I slid on her diamond ring.

My life travels at lightspeed, and each moment is a special snapshot of time. Each snapshot is added to the album, the album that I adore. Each page is a framed painting, a beautiful piece of art that details my life, my mark. My little gem sits in the middle, a single red gem, a Ruby.

I put down my pen, and closed my book. Sitting on the shelf, my photo album slept, whilst I linked hand with my wife, to go and create more snapshots, more memories, to fill that book.

My life travels at lightspeed, and the reason for that, is the radiant light of a gem called Ruby that follows me.

 

---

 

 

Long one this time, hope you liked it!