Flashes.
Bored. I was bored. Not just bored though, stupendously; unequivocally bored. The teacher at the head of the class kept groaning on about something – I couldn’t remember what class I was in – that was actively killing off my brain cells. Not even the window outside and the big green world beyond could tickle my mind for even a moment. I fingered the keys in my pocket, fumbling and tumbling around in that tiny little space, trying to give my body something to do other than drop to sleep. It didn’t take long for my mental stamina to run out; however, and soon after my head sank into my arms.
“Derrick!”
I jumped, my head flinging up and my arms pouncing the table.
“We’re almost there, come on.”
I glanced at my surroundings. Trees whizzed by like arms swiping at the train, grass flowed under the overcast afternoon, a lake of green with lily pads of yellow crop. We were on a train, and my eyes blinked in disbelief as my memory caught up with me. The class was yesterday, today we were on the train to London, part of a school trip.
“Yeah, yeah, coming.” I stood, swung my bag onto my back, and followed my friend to the front of the train. God I was tired, my head was pounding like a drum. Dum dum dum. Throbbing. Pounding.
“Are you ready to hear more!?” The vocalist screamed at the top of his voice, the drummer throwing his sticks in the air and catching them, his tongue out, his head bobbing in feigned madness. The floor bounced with the bass, and I caught myself bouncing with it – jumping, even. Wednesday, day three, I forgot the eeriness of my memory loss, and enjoyed the heavy metal that scraped pleasurably against my ears. The band took a small break, and whilst they hydrated themselves and thanked the fans I caught a glimpse of luscious golden hair. I approached her, and fortunately for me found she was quite a loquacious young lady. I found myself staring into her eyes, silver but shining like the moon.
My vision was blurred, drunk, and the wet emerald blades I sat on had stained my arse. The tree that stood tall and proud next to me had nothing to say, yet it simply whistled in the gentle breeze. Thursday night had been great, all my friends had gone home, but my drunk mind had decided it wanted to linger in the park just a little while longer… I could have sworn that there was someone next to me… Perhaps my imagination was at play. I went home, stumbled home, that someone flicked at the back of my mind.
“Ouch!” My hangover didn’t take kindly to the finger that forcefully poked the back of my skull.
“Morning. How’s the hangover? Last night was great!”
“Brutal. Must’ve had a good night, though I don’t remember most of it.” I scratched the back of my head and gave an nervous smile.
“Did she go home with you?”
“She?”
My friend gave me a weird look, questioning if I was joking with him.
“Mia? Your girlfriend?”
“Mia? I don’t have a girlfriend, what are you talking about?”
“Are you having me on? We spent all last night with her! You’ve spent all week seeing her! You know, before we go to uni!”
Confused, terrified, I backed off, faking a laugh and saying “I’m joking with you!”
After taking the punishment he laid out for me, a knuggy and a few pokes at my ribs, I slinked away to the bathroom. What was happening? Was I literally forgetting entire parts of my life?
It wouldn’t take me long to figure out. Nowadays I live half days, mostly at work, I see some weekends if I’m lucky. There’s something about her, something about that woman, that I know a part of me loves; I stuck with her through uni, through my whole life, we’re married for gods sake! But there’s something about her, something dazzling. I don’t remember a single moment I spend with her.
Have you ever tried to love someone you’ve never seen, met, or even know? Somehow… It’s comforting to know that the me that does see her, the me that gets his memory back, the me that lives happily at home and remembers having this ring slid onto his finger, is in love. For him, for me, I’ll live this side of his life, the work, the stress, the empty side.
Have you ever tried to love someone you don’t know? Somehow, its easier.
